Feeling down.

So. I don't know if I'm just nervous about the maths test I have tomorrow but, I feel like shit. ( sorry for saying the S word) I'm writing  this here because I feel like I can let it all out and not have someone telling me the whole time "I now,yes , mhmm, yeah, I'm always gonna be here for you". I can never seem to make myself happy. I also feel suck in different group of friends. I'm not the kind of girl that only hangs around with one group of friends. And I can't stand it when people think I'm in just there group of friends. I will hang around with any human-being I want to. I also seem to feel bad every time I tell someone no I'm meeting someone els today. I don't know why I feel bad, but I do.  I tried do make everyone happy but it went down really badly. I learned that no matter how hard you try, you will never ever be able to make everyone happy. Also no matter how much you talk about a person behind there back or even tell then what you think of them, they will never change unless they want to themselves. Yes, I'm a cutter, but does that mean that I'm different? Most of my friends didn't even notice until I told them. I'm a weak ass human, and it seems like cutting makes me feel better for a second. That one second of joy, that one second means a lot. I may laugh at school or with people , but does that mean I'm happy? I listen to everyones problem, I would even go to their place at 5 o'clock in the morning even if my mother would say no. But would they do the same? Thats the question I ask my self a lot. I don't even know with whom I should be friends with. Lately a lot of people have started to show their real faces and they aren't pretty. I feel like I'm better friends with lies than people. I have to say though I might be a girl that is not touchy but I still want someone to love me. Not just fuck and thats it. I want someone to love me like I loved my first ever real crush. I wan't love with the good and the bad times. I want to visit japan. But the money we have now isn't enough. I want to have peace in my life. I want to be intelligent. Last but not least I want to feel beautiful in my own bare skin.
I don't even know what this blog post is about, I just wanted to write about what I'm feeling and then my fingers just started to type.

Penny Skateboard learning process

Penny Skateboard

Hola :)

The weather is getting warmer and for some reason this made me want to learn how to skateboard.

I'm not very keen on the normal skateboards but the penny skateboards look so nice.

The one that is on the picture is a 22inch organic penny, that a school friend let me ride on.

I have never in my whole life tried to skate before but I noticed that it's soo easy to learn. The tricks are hard but just learning how to cruise around is not much of a task. 

Of course i feel of the skateboard. I fell of exactly a week ago and my bum and back still hurt like crazy. I have a video of me falling of the penny. Just in my luck my friend was filming me while I fell.

I'm not as good as the boys not even close but I can cruise a little. I just staked for one day so yeaaah. 

I wanted to upload the video but for some reason it's not working :( I'm so sorry

But I am planning on buying a glow in the dark penny with black wheels or a red marble penny. Unless the pastel penny colours come out *-* !

The reason why I want to learn how to skate board is because I really need a hobby. I'm an only child and it does get really lonely sometimes and my mother is at work all the time so I thought instead of sitting  in fort of the TV all day I could do something.

I hope I will soon be able to skate with out falling on my bum. 

My goal is to skate board around the lake with my friends.

Tumblr: Bleachblonde31.tumblr.com