Feeling down.

So. I don't know if I'm just nervous about the maths test I have tomorrow but, I feel like shit. ( sorry for saying the S word) I'm writing  this here because I feel like I can let it all out and not have someone telling me the whole time "I now,yes , mhmm, yeah, I'm always gonna be here for you". I can never seem to make myself happy. I also feel suck in different group of friends. I'm not the kind of girl that only hangs around with one group of friends. And I can't stand it when people think I'm in just there group of friends. I will hang around with any human-being I want to. I also seem to feel bad every time I tell someone no I'm meeting someone els today. I don't know why I feel bad, but I do.  I tried do make everyone happy but it went down really badly. I learned that no matter how hard you try, you will never ever be able to make everyone happy. Also no matter how much you talk about a person behind there back or even tell then what you think of them, they will never change unless they want to themselves. Yes, I'm a cutter, but does that mean that I'm different? Most of my friends didn't even notice until I told them. I'm a weak ass human, and it seems like cutting makes me feel better for a second. That one second of joy, that one second means a lot. I may laugh at school or with people , but does that mean I'm happy? I listen to everyones problem, I would even go to their place at 5 o'clock in the morning even if my mother would say no. But would they do the same? Thats the question I ask my self a lot. I don't even know with whom I should be friends with. Lately a lot of people have started to show their real faces and they aren't pretty. I feel like I'm better friends with lies than people. I have to say though I might be a girl that is not touchy but I still want someone to love me. Not just fuck and thats it. I want someone to love me like I loved my first ever real crush. I wan't love with the good and the bad times. I want to visit japan. But the money we have now isn't enough. I want to have peace in my life. I want to be intelligent. Last but not least I want to feel beautiful in my own bare skin.
I don't even know what this blog post is about, I just wanted to write about what I'm feeling and then my fingers just started to type.